Existence: A Spiritual Awakening

by Nick
(Cambridge)

I was smoking marijuana with a friend, writing down a list of words that might describe existence. He suggested that actually no words could describe existence and something shifted in my mind. I lent forward, closed my eyes and felt myself dying into an infinite darkness. I thought might be there was no return from this.

Then all of a sudden I felt myself filled from within with an ecstatic numinous energy that flooded my whole being. I found myself saying involuntarily 'I promise to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth'.

Again using marijuana I went through a series of rebirth experiences over the course of a couple of weeks. I felt all the pain in my body dissolved. I was in touch with my real self.

On one occasion I found myself falling into an involuntary prayer, on my knees and had the experience of my back being stretched, as if on a rack. It was extremely painful and I remember thinking I was in hell. I surrendered to the idea that this might last forever.

Eventually (after a minute or two) I was thrown out of this position, by an internal force across the room. I said to a friend who was present, 'thank god I was released'.

Walking around the city in this state I felt I was in heaven. Everything made sense and was infinitely meaningful. I had a deep sense of the whole of which I was a part.